Sunday, 30 March 2014

Same Sky (hysterectomy #7)

I came out of it all right, the hysterectomy.
 The same fields where I had wept goodbye to my reproductive system in the dark on a murky Sunday night dog walk were waiting for me when I managed the  same walk six weeks later, shyly showing off their very early spring green clothes.  The fields and I, we'd both had a long winter.

I feel like the land is there for me more than people (Dave excluded)  probably because I didn't let them in on this, and journeyed alone, as is my silly way.  I see this land every day; it knows my secret heart.

As for the rest of it, I'm glad I made hay whilst the sun shone.
The surgical menopause into which I have been plunged, headlong, is not so bad either.  There are night sweats, a headache here and there, and hot flushes as I drop off or wake up, or get hungry or anxious, but that's all.  Hormonally I've always been on a storm-tossed sea. There have been exciting adventures, glorious sunsets, thrilling beautiful and terrifying storms, dark cold and lonely drowning, but now its as though my vessel has finally landed in a calm safe cove.  The water is rich with the mystery of the deep, there are cliffs and rocks, sand and caves, mountains beyond, and I have all the time in the world to explore.

 Dave has been there for me, he would die for me, I know that.  He's relieved that I don't need him to be around as much as we had both feared in my recovery because he is his work, it is his life, there's not room for too much else.

That's where I am this Mothering Sunday morning, as the yellow sun peeps over the neighbour's roof and I wait for my children to come, with their children, and cook.  Let's just hope they wash up.

So that was my diary entry after the initial 6 week healing. I know there's not much detail about the actual op and healing which was unbelievably straightforward. I might write a post on my recovery if you'd like to know how it was?  I really am a total coward when it comes to hospitals and especially anaesthetics but I was so well looked after and took no more pain relief than a paracetamol or two occasionally.  If you want to read the next part of my diary its here

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